Valentine’s Day is a time to put your relationship front and centre — but if you’re having a tough fertility journey, that might be easier said than done. No one understands these challenges better than our community, so we’ve gathered heartfelt relationship advice from five men who know exactly what you’re going through.
Ciaran Hannington – Fertility Health & Fitness Coach
One of the hardest parts of any fertility journey is dealing with the unknown. It’s incredibly tough to face something you have little control over. Every journey is different, and each failed cycle can bring emotional stress and heartbreak. I remember the toll it took on both me and my wife — and the strain it placed on our relationship.
Looking back, I realise we often made things harder by not sharing what we felt. You can’t truly prepare for the fertility rollercoaster. You don’t know how you’ll feel, what will happen, or how your relationship will cope.
My advice? Talk openly and honestly. Don’t be afraid to say you’re struggling — and look out for signs your partner might be too. Make time for each other. Go out for dinner, plan a spontaneous weekend away, or do anything that makes you both smile. Sometimes, you don’t need the perfect words — just a simple hug that says, “I’m here.”
Russell Davies – Fertility Mindset Coach
During our fertility journey, my wife told me she felt lonely. Our biggest issue was that I lived too much in my head. She knew what I thought — but not what I felt. I believed I had to be the strong one, but that wasn’t what she wanted. Women want emotional connection. That was what we were missing.
My advice for men is to get comfortable with emotions. Learn to express how you feel — not just what you think. Hold space for your partner’s emotions without trying to fix them or taking them personally. Keep your heart open.
Emotional understanding is the glue that keeps relationships together. It helps couples feel like a team, no matter what challenges they face. A book I often recommend is The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida — it’s a great starting point for any man learning emotional awareness.
Alex – Pursuing Fatherhood
Grieving infertility as a couple is one of the hardest things I’ve ever faced. It’s almost impossible to process your own pain while supporting your partner through theirs. I also carried a deep sense of guilt — seeing my wife’s heartache and feeling like it was somehow my fault.
What helped us most was communication. Talking through emotions, no matter how uncomfortable, allowed us to reconnect. I tend to process feelings internally, but opening up to a therapist — and to each other — made a huge difference.
Over time, we found peace. We began to believe that even if we never became parents, we would still be okay — because we had each other.
Shaun Greenaway – Knackered Knackers
For us, lack of communication was the biggest problem. I shut down emotionally and went inside myself. I wasn’t talking, and I was struggling with who I was as a man. My wife was right there with me, but I pushed her away — and that silence created a huge wall between us.
If you’re going through something similar, my advice is simple: talk. Don’t shut your partner out. They’re in this with you and feel the pain just as deeply, no matter who’s dealing with infertility physically.
When we started communicating again — and facing things as a team — that’s when healing began. Also, keep doing the things you love together. Don’t let infertility take over your entire life. Fill your relationship cup. You still deserve moments of laughter, joy, and love, even in the middle of all this.
Ian Stones – Director of TestHim
In my work supporting couples through fertility treatment, I often see the same challenges: pressure, time, and communication. There are work pressures, financial pressures, and emotional strain from fertility treatment itself. These can all take a toll on relationships.
Often, women take the lead on research — wanting to do everything possible — while men worry about finances and feel the need to “stay strong.” But bottling up emotions just makes it harder for both of you.
My advice? Talk to each other — especially if you’re a man. Trying to appear strong and silent only isolates you. Fertility is a shared journey, so share the research, the learning, and the emotional load. You’re in this together.
Also, carve out time that isn’t about fertility. Plan date nights, start a hobby together, or find an activity that lets you both relax. And don’t underestimate the power of counselling — individually or as a couple. Sometimes, a neutral space is exactly what you need to reconnect and move forward together.
Final Thoughts
Valentine’s Day can be bittersweet when you’re trying to conceive, but it’s also a reminder of what matters most — love, connection, and teamwork. The men above prove that communication, vulnerability, and support can strengthen relationships even in the hardest moments.
Whatever your journey looks like, remember that you’re not alone — and that taking care of your relationship is one of the most powerful things you can do for your emotional health and your future family.
